They are Coming to Take Me Away
by Sueona
Summary: Raito was caught as Kira and now has to suffer the court’s order of seeing a therapist as part of his bail. A plan to make the therapist to quit is in the works and a bet between two enemies ensures.


Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.

Warnings: OOC, hints of yaoi, a little bit of crack.

Pairings: L/Raito

Summary: Raito was caught as Kira and now has to suffer the court's order of seeing a therapist as part of his bail. A plan to make the therapist to quit is in the works and a bet between two enemies ensures.

Notes: First I must say I mean no insult to therapists, to Catholics, to the Priesthood, or to anyone of strong faith. This came to me and my mother, so we wrote it. Yes, my mother once again has helped me write this. Please tell me what you think.

As he stands in front of the judge, Raito looks smug as hell. Well, why not; thirty therapists within a month who quit in a day or two. It is amusing to watch each one of them freak out and try to figure out how to help him; like he needs it. Doesn't anyone see that he is the normal one? It is the rest of the world who needs the damn help or rather one insomniac detective, who he swears needs the help more than he ever did.

Clearing his throat, the judge sighs out, "Well you are here once again and once again a therapist has quit on you."

Raito mumbles, "Well if they weren't stupid, then I could put up with them."

Slapping the young man upside his head, Watari hisses in a low dangerous voice, "Stop provoking the judge or he will not be able to keep you out of prison."

As he shakes his head, the judge looks down at a folder and remarks, "This is the last one we can get. His record is outstanding and maybe; just maybe he will be the one who can help you."

Standing there; looking bored, Raito smirks and advises a plan to get rid of this new therapist. No one can outsmart him. Okay, maybe L can since the damn man caught him being Kira; after all and got him into this mess. But he does have some **side benefits**.

The judge comments, "I cannot believe this man actually volunteered."

With a raised eyebrow, Raito inquires; interested in this man now, "What would this man be like?"

Now the judge grins happily and answers pleased, "He is a Catholic Priest."

Raito mutters, "Get the fuck out of here. I don't believe in any higher power and you except him to help me."

For the second time that day, Watari slaps the young man upside his head and orders, "Be silent right this second or I will be forced to inform him of your mouth."

Raito growls out, "He isn't my mother, but my **bed** buddy." As he thinks about it for a second, he curses every word in the book since he realizes what that could mean with L. There will be a lot of punishment in-store if word got back to the detective of his behavior.

Grabbing Raito's arm, Watari bows his head and speaks to the judge, "I will ensure Yagami-kun is at his appointment tomorrow morning on time." With those final words, he pulls out a cursing Raito out of the court room.

The judge remarks, "This one better help or I give up on that boy."

Returning to the estate built on L's orders, Raito walks inside to find the said man sitting in his normal position; with huge black orbs staring at him like L knows every piece of information of what happen inside the court room. It wouldn't surprise Raito if the older man did know already.

As he tilts his head to the side, L remains silent for a few seconds. Raito begins to squirm under his watchful glare. Placing his thumb against his lower lip, he demands, "Behave or I will not be able to keep Yagami-kun out of prison."

When he gracefully sits down in the chair, Raito tries to figure a way to get out of all this. He can already tell he will be sore tomorrow morning; knowing how L handles misbehavior. Closing his eyes to shut out those piercing black orbs, he explains, "Well they appoint idiots who try to analyze me. I even bet this new one will not last an hour with me."

Grinning from ear to ear, L responds, "You are on." The challenge from his dear uke amuses him.

As his eyes snap open and stares, Raito asks, "What are the rewards in the bet?"

While looking up at the ceiling, L answers, "Whoever wins the bet gets free reign over the other's body for an entire night."

Many fantasies enter his brilliant mind. Raito can't stop drool from sliding down his chin. When he feels skinny fingers run across his lips, he shivers and mumbles, "Reign over the other for an ENTIRE NIGHT?"

Leaning toward Raito, L breathes out, "You have one hour to get this new therapist to quit. If you do that, then my body is yours for one night, Raito-chan," when he sees the lust within honey orbs, he continues, "But that is for tomorrow night. Tonight is your punishment."

Outside the door, Watari is ready to walk inside to deliver a tray of sweets but stops short. All he hears is a loud scream and some moans. Shaking his head, he mutters, "Maybe I need to see a therapist after handling those two geniuses."

The next day, Raito sits in the chair and drinks a cup of coffee; waiting for Watari to come inside to get him. This should be fun for him since he always fought him on going to go to therapy. The door opens to have a stunned Watari staring directly at him. Chuckling inside, he muses to himself, "This is going to be so much fun. I'm going to win. L be prepared."

L leans against the wall; hunched. Watching amused when Raito limps up to the door, he mumbles in an emotionless voice, "I already have great ideas for me to try out on Raito-chan tonight."

Heading to the car, Raito mumbles under his breathe, "Cocky bastard. I'll show him." While watching the scenes of the outside world fly by, he goes over all the plans to ensure another quit. When the door is opened for him, he snaps back and steps out of the car. It is time to win this little bet and have the great detective beneath him; squirming and begging for him like it was meant to be.

Inside a small office, an elder man greets Raito in a pleasant voice, "Good day, Raito-kun. I am Father John," after shaking hands with the young man, he continues with a question, "Is it all right to call you Raito-kun?"

As he takes his seat on the large couch, Raito replies with a straight face, "No. You have to call me, Raito-sama."

With a pen and a notepad, Father John takes his seat and asks, "Why must I call you that?"

Raito answers, "Because I am god of this new world."

Father John looks at the case file for the third time and comments, "You are here by court's order and are charged with multiple murders," glancing at Ratio, he continues, "Do you know it is a high sin to commit murder?"

Raito replies annoyed, "In your world maybe."

The father questions, "Why do you think that?"

Raito sighs out; without any emotion, "I already stated this but I will answer once more. It is because I AM GOD."

Father John writes a few things on the paper and states, "Now I must get into some serious questions."

Crossing his legs, Raito thinks, "And the other questions weren't. This will be a lot easier than I thought to get this idiot to quit."

The father inquires, "Do you know what day it is?"

Raito answers, "Yes."

Father John questions, "What day is it?"

With a smirk appearing on his face, Raito replies, "The day you quit, Father."

Moving on with the next set of questions, the father asks, "Do you have suicidal thoughts?"

Raito snorts, "If I did, I wouldn't be here."

He asks, "What makes you say that?"

Uncrossing his legs, Raito explains, "Because if I was thinking it, it would get done."

He questions, "How do you figure that?"

Raito sighs out; bored, "Well if I want someone dead, they die."

The father retorts, "So you have homicidal thoughts."

Giving a smug look, Raito responds, "You read my file, what you think?" When he looks around to give the father time to write down his answers, he looks around the room. It is a plain office and a shelf of books on religion in the corner of the room. Blinking his eyes at a small dot on the wall, he smirks to realize his dear guard is listening into his therapy appointment. Now the excitement begins for him.

Father John shakes Raito out of his thoughts by asking, "Do you hear voices?"

Without looking at the elder man, Raito answers, "All the time."

He inquires, "What do they say?"

Leaning forward, Raito whispers, "They tell me to do naughty naughty things."

He comments, "Naughty?"

Nodding his head, Raito explains, "They tell me to spread my legs wide and wait." _Well more like L tells me to. _

Father John coughs out his next question, "What are you waiting for?"

With a straight face, Raito declares, "To be violated." _By L._

He asks, "Why do you want to be violated?"

As he looks at the wall, Raito lies, "Well these vivid dreams make me hot and bothered every night." _Like hell, more like L ties me up and does whatever he wishes. Not tonight though. _

Finally, some progress with the young mass-murderer. Writing few quick notes, the father responds, "Please tell me about these dreams." _This boy needs motherly love. That is his problem. Ah, I found out the cause and now I can help him._

When he notices the time, Raito curses his luck but stays completely calm. He only has maybe thirty more minutes to get rid of this idiot. With a deep sigh, Raito acts shyly and blushes a little. He tells, "Well I am tied to a bed naked, waiting for a person to come. This person always punishes me or rewards me. Most of the time it is punishments for I am a bad bad boy. But of course I enjoy it."

As he scribbles some notes down, the father begins to rethink his diagnosis. _It isn't motherly love, but an inappropriate attraction to his mother. _He inquires, "Do you have someone like that in real life?"

Raito answers, "Of course. Or…" he mumbles the rest, "I wouldn't be here."

Thinking he will get the young man to confess about his attraction to his mother, the father asks, "Who is she?"

Unable to hold onto his laughter, Raito chuckles and leans forward to answer, "HIS name is L."

Dropping his pen and notebook, Father John stares at Raito in shock. After a few seconds, he clears his throat and states firmly, "Homosexuality is a sin against god."

Raito replies, "No, it isn't."

Father John argues, "Yes, it is. The bible states it."

Raito hisses out, "I am God and I enjoy it."

Standing up, the father mutters, "I give up," and he leaves the room as quick as possible.

As a grin lights up his face, Raito stands up and follows the dear father out. Thank goodness the court house is right next door. It should be very interesting to find out what L says about him winning the bet. Within a few minutes, he stands in front of a large table. Without anyone noticing, he places an ear piece in and turns on the laptop.

Father John stands in front of the judge and remarks firmly, "There is no one who can help this boy. I quit."

When he notices the gothic L on the screen, Raito whispers, "I get free reign."

A voice sounds out, "Afraid not. It took an hour and forty-five seconds to get Father John to quit. I win and will be seeing Raito-chan soon."

The judge comments, "I order all therapy appointments be stopped and Yagami Raito is hereby order to not leave the care of L or his assist Watari."

Slamming his hands down on the table, Raito swears, "Oh hell no! You, damn bastard! You cheated!"

As he grabs Raito by the shoulder, Watari begins to pull the raving youngster out the court room.

Father John turns the lap top around to see nothing on it and mumbles, "He is really insane."

Shaking his head, the judge retorts, "Truly there is no hope for that young boy."

Meanwhile, Watari is escorting a still cursing Raito to the car. _Only if the judge knew what is in-store for Yagami-kun._

Notes: Hope you enjoyed it and got a laugh out of you. Please tell me what you think.


End file.
